i may or may not be watching the land before time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
