ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
