1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
