How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
