Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
