I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
