There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
