i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
