I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
