I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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