exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
