We tried having a conversation with our noses.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
