Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
