if you like me you must not know who I am
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
