how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
