Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
