did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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