you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
