one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
