also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
