After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
