JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
