i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
