And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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