Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
