It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
