I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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