so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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