Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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