oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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