Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
