I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
