I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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