My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
