We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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