just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
