could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
