Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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