remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
