you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
