thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
