he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
