Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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