have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
