I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
