So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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