After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
