Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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