why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
