Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
