its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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