hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
