Swine flu. Run for my life!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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