Duck Duck Cougar?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
