Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
