so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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