Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
